Best fake names in PES series?

chiefrocka4real

Champions League
30 August 2013
Munich
many :)
Best one ever:
Aschenkatz (Halil Altintop)

:LMAO:
I also love Slinslizel (Schweinsteiger) and Pomatski (Podolski) or Kmala (Klose) which have been already mentioned here.

But Aschenkatz..... (German: Asche = Ash, Katze = Cat.....i.e. Ashcat.....Cat of ashes)

How do they ever come to those names? :P
 

Anjin

#NoTengoDinero
29 April 2012
Ones I remember the most from my original PES 5 Master League back in PS2 days (11 years ago? wow!) were Descharte (Deschacht), defender from Anderlecht who was my captain and Bolmik (Boniek), unlockable player from Poland, 80s star.

As of team names, Rekordmeister is among the best :D Especially PES 5 has excellent fake team names. You can easily guess what they are with some insight. Like Autostadt, Car City is clearly Wolfsburg since that's where Volkswagen is innit? I I especially enjoy simple regional names like Rhein, Pfalz, or French Aquitaine or Bourgogne. With some digging you can relatively easily decipher what they mean, and they're also kinda legit.

TL;DR I absolutely love the style of PES 5 fake team names. This is one thing I wish would come back. At some point I even edited a few PES 5 teams, making their kits nicer and adding some fake sponsor as another little reference. Autostadt had Autowagen which is Volkswagen for example.

I was considering two options in the past tbh, but I would never be able to do it myself.

*Making Polish clubs from ~2005 in PES 5 or 6 fake style, had some great ideas. Polish teams from Poland (complicated) would have English names while few teams from Silesia (Poland but different) would have German names. Players would probably be legit.

*Making entirely new database of fake European teams. Granted I took a lot of inspiration from PES series. Some regional names would be preserved. I especially love Lombardia for team from Milan, that'd probably be best club in the game and Italy in general would be #1 in this weird twisted timeline. Balance would be entirely different, with Italian league being absolutely dominant, then Spanish(Iberian?) and sort-of-Yugoslavian teams being behind. England and France would be in deep crisis, Germany somewhat less. There would be some very strong teams from other corners of Europe, especially from Czechia and Hungary since they have very strong interwar football traditions.



Considering the activity in retro-PES thread, maybe we're heading in that kind of way...I am astonished how many of us are exactly opposite than majority and would probably not mind PES 3-5 style teams in modern PES at all. They had tons of style and creativity in them and goddamn I miss that.
 

Orhainmalz

League 2
16 March 2018
England
Arsenal F.C.
LOL, 'Autostadt' chosen because of VW :D nice one KONAMI!

I did a similar thing awhile back with PES5, updated the kit but not the team name :p
 

chiefrocka4real

Champions League
30 August 2013
Munich
many :)
Autostadt, lol, that even makes sense.
Also nothing to say against Pomatski for Podolski.
But Slinslizel....
That's like they wanted to name Schweinsteiger to Schweineschnitzel and didn't know how to spell that. :p
 

flanylla

UwU
22 February 2019
England
Arsenal FC
(Playing in a team with Blork, Tender and Mash Joels, comedy fucking gold.)
Mash Joels sounds like a dish you'd get at a greasy spoon... lmaoooo
I know this is an old thread but I think it's funny reading what's in it. A weird one to mention is Tyutau (Jaap Stam) which dates back to PES 4, any idea?

On a rather interesting note about PES 4, pretty much every Dutch player has a commentary name for themselves, but they go unused even on the licensed-name players. Quite a few of the stats between the international duplicates don't match up with those of their club team equivalents either.
 
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H_G

Non-League
1 February 2021
Tunisia
Kalm (oliver Kahn) on Pes 6.

I heard that's the reason he wasn't on PES 6-2008 cuz they named him with Kalm
 

flanylla

UwU
22 February 2019
England
Arsenal FC
Kalm (oliver Kahn) on Pes 6.

I heard that's the reason he wasn't on PES 6-2008 cuz they named him with Kalm
He's interestingly named that even on his club team (Bayern Munich, Isar/Rekordmeister) in PES 4 and 5.
On a side note, if you bother to look closely at the fake icon for Isar in PES 5 it still says "RKM", a PES 4 leftover :P
 

Titch

Premiership
4 October 2004
Ones I remember the most from my original PES 5 Master League back in PS2 days (11 years ago? wow!) were Descharte (Deschacht), defender from Anderlecht who was my captain and Bolmik (Boniek), unlockable player from Poland, 80s star.

As of team names, Rekordmeister is among the best :D Especially PES 5 has excellent fake team names. You can easily guess what they are with some insight. Like Autostadt, Car City is clearly Wolfsburg since that's where Volkswagen is innit? I I especially enjoy simple regional names like Rhein, Pfalz, or French Aquitaine or Bourgogne. With some digging you can relatively easily decipher what they mean, and they're also kinda legit.

TL;DR I absolutely love the style of PES 5 fake team names. This is one thing I wish would come back. At some point I even edited a few PES 5 teams, making their kits nicer and adding some fake sponsor as another little reference. Autostadt had Autowagen which is Volkswagen for example.

I was considering two options in the past tbh, but I would never be able to do it myself.

*Making Polish clubs from ~2005 in PES 5 or 6 fake style, had some great ideas. Polish teams from Poland (complicated) would have English names while few teams from Silesia (Poland but different) would have German names. Players would probably be legit.

*Making entirely new database of fake European teams. Granted I took a lot of inspiration from PES series. Some regional names would be preserved. I especially love Lombardia for team from Milan, that'd probably be best club in the game and Italy in general would be #1 in this weird twisted timeline. Balance would be entirely different, with Italian league being absolutely dominant, then Spanish(Iberian?) and sort-of-Yugoslavian teams being behind. England and France would be in deep crisis, Germany somewhat less. There would be some very strong teams from other corners of Europe, especially from Czechia and Hungary since they have very strong interwar football traditions.



Considering the activity in retro-PES thread, maybe we're heading in that kind of way...I am astonished how many of us are exactly opposite than majority and would probably not mind PES 3-5 style teams in modern PES at all. They had tons of style and creativity in them and goddamn I miss that.
I always used to get excited when a new team got promoted to the Premier League and I would guess what they would be called in PES 😂
I did wonder about long term too. What happens when you start running out of names to give? Barnsley and Rotherham are both in South Yorkshire and play in red...
 

mattmid

International
15 December 2011
I remember one FM save years ago when I tried to match up Centre back and striker pairings like that. Had a Benson and Hedges up front (cigarette company) at one stage. My best ever and you probably need to be British to get this one was pairing Giuly and Mark Walters as wing forwards. :D Thus having Giuly (Julie) Walters up front.
 

Flipper the Priest

Harder.Better.Faster.Stromer.
15 July 2003
Scotland
Needed to google the Heinz/Campbell connection.....:PIG:, still not sure.
https://www.fooddive.com/news/kraft...soup-snacks-chief-as-us-business-head/570075/
I had it down as linked because Heinz and Campbell's are the Ronaldo and Messi of canned soup, certainly in the UK.

I remember one FM save years ago when I tried to match up Centre back and striker pairings like that. Had a Benson and Hedges up front (cigarette company) at one stage. My best ever and you probably need to be British to get this one was pairing Giuly and Mark Walters as wing forwards. :D Thus having Giuly (Julie) Walters up front.
Haha! It's the simple pleasures.
 

rojofa

Premiership
15 September 2017
Swansea in PES 2013 being called "Swearcle"... Most of the names were related to the city/region, nickname or colours, but what the fuck is Swearcle? The only results if you Google it are for when it appeared in PES, just bizarre...

Also #2 for Paraguay just being called Arse on ISS 2.
 

slamsoze

International
28 September 2010
Swansea in PES 2013 being called "Swearcle"... Most of the names were related to the city/region, nickname or colours, but what the fuck is Swearcle? The only results if you Google it are for when it appeared in PES, just bizarre...

Also #2 for Paraguay just being called Arse on ISS 2.
Based on the simplicity and the innocence of that era, i assume Arse was Arce?
https://www.transfermarkt.com/francisco-arce/profil/spieler/130283

Swearcle reminds me Swarley from HIMYM! :) :P
 

*aLe

World Cup Winner
30 August 2005
Lombardia
NOT Lombardia NA.
You all know you really shouldn't have brought this discussion back to life, don't you?
Fake (and, even more, fantasy) players in PES and in other football games for that matter are one of the best things that I remember from the games in the late '90s.

I also managed to create a complete Starting XI for Italy with names taken from different games:

Pagani (ISS 64)
Capirossi (FIFA Int. Soccer) - Sandrelli (90 Minutes EPG) - Premoli (ISS 64)
Rossini (FIFA Int. Soccer) - Tedeschi (Virtua Striker 3) - Larizza (Sega Worldwide Soccer) - Piacentini (Virtua Striker 3)
Pacioli (Super Sidekicks 3) - Falchi (Virtua Striker 3) - D'Angelo (Sega Worldwide Soccer)​
 

Flipper the Priest

Harder.Better.Faster.Stromer.
15 July 2003
Scotland
Swansea in PES 2013 being called "Swearcle"... Most of the names were related to the city/region, nickname or colours, but what the fuck is Swearcle? The only results if you Google it are for when it appeared in PES, just bizarre...

Also #2 for Paraguay just being called Arse on ISS 2.
Crisisbless for Palace is another really curious one.

Also from PS1 days, Lennon (Neil Lennon), Slong (Rigobert Song) and Poope (Eddie Pope) were all gold.

I wish Pavia had stayed, though. He would've been ace in that team.
Oh yeah. I'll take De Silva and Merosi too!
 

Flipper the Priest

Harder.Better.Faster.Stromer.
15 July 2003
Scotland
I think the best thing about it is that they made the fake names of already fake names because in previous games Ivarov was Ivanov, Minanda was Miranda, Castolo was Castello etc. 😂
Don't get me started; it's a bee in my bonnet. I always refer to them by their original names! They changed it at a halfway point too - in between PES2 and PES3 - in Winning Eleven 6 Final Evolution.
 

Flipper the Priest

Harder.Better.Faster.Stromer.
15 July 2003
Scotland
Some of those stuck with more than the originals and vice versa.
Not sure which generation it is.
That's roughly PES5 to PES 2011. There are quite a few changes in 2012, and then 2013 blows the bloody doors off, and it's all change.

As far as the default go, I have one rule: no Vorlander, no party.

What's worse is when they're referred to as the PES United players. That gets my blood boiling.
 
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