• Note for new users: Please keep your posts English or we will delete them. There's a "No English?" area in our Editing discussion forum for those who prefer writing in their native language.
  • Site maintenance info: We got rid of the "Patches and Option Files" area and moved all threads from 2020 to their corresponding subs in the Editing area. Let me know if you're missing a thread or face any other issues related to this move. /Tom

How do you wipe your ass?

In what position do you wipe your ass?


  • Total voters
    52
  • Thread starter
  • Moderator
  • #1

EatonTJ

Why Today Doesn't Suck.
Staff
11 April 2002
Back in 2k4, I was made fun of by my buddy and the wife because I revealed that I *shockingly* wipe my ass standing up after taking the Browns to the SuperBowl.

Much to my dismay, I was informed that nobody stands up to wipe off and that anybody who's anybody wipes while still sitting on the toilet. I took (and still take) great exception to this because it was my understanding that it is perfectly reasonable to wipe off my derriere it an upright position. So I ran a poll, and if memory serves, it was pretty much dead even between standers and sitters.

Now for round 2...

Oh and for those of you who don't think there could be any educational value in all of this, last time Ghazi posted that it is proper to wet the paper before wiping in order to read get the turds out of the ass area. I have followed his mandate to this day, and my ass is much happier.
 

RuneEdge

Silent Assassin
1 October 2003
Manchester United
I remember this being discussed on the Frank and Skinner Show. Of course it was more of a joke than a proper poll or anything.
And yeah, that only other guy to vote so far is me...
 

Dar

Part Timer
Staff
21 February 2003
Dublin
Standing Up?!?!?!

What about danglers? You mash them in. :shock:

I thought this poll was going to be a simple wipe upwards or downwards one, this is far more interesting. :D
 
  • Thread starter
  • Moderator
  • #5

EatonTJ

Why Today Doesn't Suck.
Staff
11 April 2002
Dar said:
Standing Up?!?!?!

What about danglers? You mash them in. :shock:

I thought this poll was going to be a simple wipe upwards or downwards one, this is far more interesting. :D

This actually reminds me of something else that my wife told me. It appears, that if you have a vagina, you MUST wipe from front to back. Because if you wipe back to front, there is a possibility of a vaginal infection from ass bacteria.

Fucking sweet.
 

Milanista

Mangiamoli!
Staff
19 December 2002
London & Milan
AC Milan
Dar said:
Standing Up?!?!?!

What about danglers? You mash them in. :shock:

I thought this poll was going to be a simple wipe upwards or downwards one, this is far more interesting. :D
It feels awkward wiping while sitting. And its more uncomfortable as you have to bend down slightly more.
 

Dar

Part Timer
Staff
21 February 2003
Dublin
Milanista said:
It feels awkward wiping while sitting. And its more uncomfortable as you have to bend down slightly more.
Bend over more?

Maybe my mental image (shudder) is not quite right, but you're saying that its more awkward to wipe when sitting down, starfish gaping, than it is when you're standing upright with arse cheeks that'll clearly be in the way a lot more?

This standing up lark sounds like a lot of work and far more awkward.
 
  • Thread starter
  • Moderator
  • #8

EatonTJ

Why Today Doesn't Suck.
Staff
11 April 2002
Dar said:
Bend over more?

Maybe my mental image (shudder) is not quite right, but you're saying that its more awkward to wipe when sitting down, starfish gaping, than it is when you're standing upright with arse cheeks that'll clearly be in the way a lot more?

This standing up lark sounds like a lot of work and far more awkward.
Okay, so I just did some field work and tried a wipe while sitting. I didn't really bend, more of a lean to a side... is that proper sitting technique?

Cause I was really concerned about touching the dukey water, somehow my arm is supposed to fit around/under my ass and wipe without touching the water? Seems overly precarious.
 

Dar

Part Timer
Staff
21 February 2003
Dublin
I'm not sure how those Canadian cisterns and bowls are, but here in good ole Potato nation we have ample clearance between seat and water. I could fit 4 arms back there if I had to.
 
  • Thread starter
  • Moderator
  • #10

EatonTJ

Why Today Doesn't Suck.
Staff
11 April 2002
Dar said:
I'm not sure how those Canadian cisterns and bowls are, but here in good ole Potato nation we have ample clearance between seat and water. I could fit 4 arms back there if I had to.

Well, from an engineering standpoint, I think there is room in my poopery as well. Perhaps I was doing the sit-and-wipe incorrectly.

Do I lean forward? Or lean to the side?
 
B

babs

Guest
Sideways, every time.

It makes manoeuvering the used paper into a 'position to look for corn' that much easier.
 
  • Thread starter
  • Moderator
  • #12

EatonTJ

Why Today Doesn't Suck.
Staff
11 April 2002
When havesting corn, its easiest to use a mirror... well, in my experience. So standing up helps.
 

foxtrot

Shoe bomber
24 December 2002
Glasgow, Scotland
Rangers FC
I never even knew people stood up to wipe until today. That's just... wrong! Dar is right, standing up will mash any dangleberries.

Sitting down but just leaning to one side is the best way.
 

Chris Davies

Chief PESsimist
Staff
14 May 2003
Tranmere Rovers
I had no idea that people stood up to wipe until today.

Edit: Haha!! I've just seen Foxtrot's post. Wow. I guess we need to get out more. Or have less weird forums to visit.
 

Dominic

Serie A
Staff
19 August 2003
Netherlands
Definately standing up, can't even imagine doing it while sitting down. Sitting down, that'd be like grabbing your turdrests out, instead of cleanly wiping it off. Standing up is much more sophisticated.
 
  • Thread starter
  • Moderator
  • #18

EatonTJ

Why Today Doesn't Suck.
Staff
11 April 2002
Don Domenico said:
Definately standing up, can't even imagine doing it while sitting down. Sitting down, that'd be like grabbing your turdrests out, instead of cleanly wiping it off. Standing up is much more sophisticated.

I agree, when standing I can really get at the turds. Plus, then I can walk to the sink and wet the toilet paper a bit to really get a good wipe down.
 

Joe

International
9 August 2004
Well I dont know about you Guys, but i like to see what ive wiped (i know strange but true :oops: )

so thats why i wipe standing up, because sitting down must be awkward, because if you do what i do surely thats quite difficult, i mean there could be contact on the leg here :shock: and we dont want that.


ps, please some body save my embarissment and say they look too [-o<
 

fd1972uk

---------------------
9 January 2002
Glasgow
Celtic
:mrgreen: LOL..........this is fabulous, a slight return to the old days of Evo-Web.

What's the betting a gang of us standers will be trying a sit-down wipe now. :lmao:


FD
 
  • Thread starter
  • Moderator
  • #23

EatonTJ

Why Today Doesn't Suck.
Staff
11 April 2002
Milanista said:
I look at the used tissue to see how much there is left to wipe.
Again, I agree. How the hell are you supposed to know what's left to wipe without looking at it?

Does anyone not look?
 

Milanista

Mangiamoli!
Staff
19 December 2002
London & Milan
AC Milan
The only time i'd ever sit down to clean my ass is on a bidet. When I lived in Canada, they were pretty rare. Theyre all over Europe.
 

JayM

International
17 April 2004
North Yorkshire
Celtic
I was pretty shocked when I found out some people wipe standing up, same type of topic was posted on IGN's The Vesitbule awhile ago.

I tried it, didn't seem to work too well.
 

Dominic

Serie A
Staff
19 August 2003
Netherlands
I agree with both Milanista and Eaton on the last point as well, I look at the used tissue.

So what kind of motion do you guys use, to wipe your arses clean?
For example Downwards or upwards, long deep wipes, circular wiping or more of a short fast scratching motion etc.?
 

JayM

International
17 April 2004
North Yorkshire
Celtic
I look too.

Downwards, a cross between long deep wipes/short fast scratching motion. :|

This discussion gets more and more intresting. :p
 
Last edited:

Milanista

Mangiamoli!
Staff
19 December 2002
London & Milan
AC Milan
I wipe upwards, who wipes downwards? If i see after the first swipe that therse quite alot to wipe, I do pretty long deep ones to capture more of the shit. The best shits are the ones that leave no stains at all.
 
Top Bottom