The Random Crap Thread

[Chris Davies]

According to my good friend Mr. Foxtrot, Random Crap may return to this lovely forum...

...as long as it is started by Chris Davies

First of all, may I just say how honoured I am. Secondly... This is a great day for randomness. And crap. And lots of things I should probably do in a blog but I'd rather do in-front of a Winning-Eleven-loving audience, for they are the most intelligent species on earth. Apart from the guys who came up with Lime Coke. And Chocolate Orange Digestives.

Well, today, I've had an operation arranged, and a (first) driving test failed. Quite a stressful day, but here's what I want to know...

Just how dangerous is a general anaesthetic? Do you know anybody who's died from it? Perhaps you yourself have? It's not an essential operation, but at the same time it would probably be a good thing. I'd rather not die though; I wouldn't get to appreciate it.

I look forward to seeing Foxtrot's "...When You Least Expect It" pictures returning, as well as banter from (Starsky and) Hutch etc. (I had my test put forward Hutch - when's yours again?) - but everybody join in now. Don't be shy.

Big thanks to Chris Wright!

Visual representation of my appreciation for Mr. Wright's decision

 

[Starsky]

Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

16th March. Unlucky, what did you fail on? Being shit in general or a major error or something?

 

[Chris Davies]

Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

One major error... Going too slow... I saw a 60 sign and (being so panicked at forgetting to look at all the mirrors every 1.53 seconds) misread it as 30... *Sigh* Retest booked for the 18th.

Edit: Is (Starksy and) Hutch now banned? He's seeing the following error page - "Starsky, you do not have permission to access this page. This could be due to one of several reasons:" etc...

Visual representation of (Starsky and) Hutch's anger and confusion

 

[foxtrot]

Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

I went under general anesthetic when I got my tonsils removed last year. I don't remember a thing. You'll be lying on the trolley bed thing, the doctor will come, stick a huge needle in your hand, put this white stuff in it and you'll be out cold before you can count to 3.

You won't remember waking up either. Apparently I was coughing and spluttering but I don't remember.

 

[foxtrot]

The least expected picture, when you least expect it.™ - Volume Three, Picture One

 

[Chris Davies]

Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

My girlfriend woke up next to me the other day and said "that's a bit much for a taxi"... I said "beg your pardon?" - she said "£50,000? That's a bit much"... I said "what the frigging hell are you talking about?" - she said "you just asked me what you should buy, a bus, a taxi or an ambulance!!"...

She still believes that she didn't dream it all and that I wasn't actually next to her looking at Teletext. What's up with that?

 

[Starsky]

Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

I'm currently experiencing technical difficulties.

CW says:
let me delete starsky
John says:
ok

 

[CW]

Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

Lets see if we can sort out the problem that Hutch is having

 

[hutch]

Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

Welcome, hutch.
You last visited: 30 November 04 at 15:56

 

[danwin]

Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

Welcome back Hutch, I never did like Starsky.

 

[hutch]

Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

Me and Chris Wright are back on the same page, together, we will take over the world, UNSTOPPABLE.

 

[hutch]

Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

Oh, I would like to share my Nan's 92nd with everyone.
We all went round to her house for something to eat and shit.
The best bit was when my Mum was in the kitchen doing the buffet/Hot Pot for all the old dears in the living room. She said,
"Does Auntie Rose want anything?"
So my Dad walks in and goes,
"The last rites by the looks of it."
I thought this was brilliant.

 

[hutch]

Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

What is the point in having "No Guide Dogs Allowed" signs?

I have just stolen this post from somewhere else, I am a fucking disgrace.

 

[Revan]

Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

Dumb (supposedly real) laws

Sweden Law: It is illegal to repaint a house without a painting license and the government's permission.

Switzerland Law: It is illegal to flush the toilet after 10 P.M. if you live in an apartment.

California, Chico: Detonating a nuclear device within the city limits results in a $500 fine.

Arizona, Tombstone: It is illegal for men and women over the age of 18 to have less than one missing tooth visible when smiling.

Texas, Houston: Beer may not be purchased after midnight on a Sunday, but it may be purchased on Monday.

Washington: When two trains come to a crossing, neither shall go until the other has passed.

NY: It is illegal for a father to call his son a "faggot" or "queer" in an effort to curb "girlie behavior."

OMG I'm gonna piss my pants AHA

 

[footieBalla]

Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

i've had local anesthetics for an operation on my neck before. this means that i am fully awake while doctors tried to take something out of my neck but i couldn't feel pain. only thing i felt was something prodding and pulling inside my neck, which is pretty scary, but i got over it. (it was a serious operation, doctors even threw around the term "cancerous", that didnt please me)

while i'm at it, welcome back hutch, bloody

-fb

 

[Gazz22]

Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

Cool. Off topic is back.

 

[Chris Davies]

Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

i've had local anesthetics for an operation on my neck before. this means that i am fully awake while doctors tried to take something out of my neck but i couldn't feel pain. only thing i felt was something prodding and pulling inside my neck, which is pretty scary, but i got over it. (it was a serious operation, doctors even threw around the term "cancerous", that didnt please me)

They offered a local anaesthetic option to me... No way in the fucking WORLD. I am the most squeamish person in the world. The last (and first) time I was knocked out was when I had a tooth out at the dentists (I was under 10). I woke up before it was finished - I saw a pair of bloody hands and I just SCREAMED. Screamed screamed screamed. After that I wouldn't sit still and so I was sent home with a half-fixed gob.

When they knock me out this time they sure as hell better knock me out.

 

[hutch]

Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

I want Walkers to make these crisps...

I emailed them requesting it, but they never got back to me.

 

[Chris Davies]

Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

Cracking graphics skills Hutch - I think that anyone under the age of 16 wouldn't remember Teddy now though, and if they don't know him then they won't shift enough crisps.

 

[hutch]

Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

Salt and Lineker worked. All he needs is a goofy ad campaign where he dresses up as a woman as sings 'I'm your Teddy bear' or something.

 

[hutch]

Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

So Rahman has left the news desk behind and is now a roaming reporter for light hearted segments on Granada Reports.
Is this good or bad for So's career?
YOU DECIDE!

 

[hutch]

Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

"First I was afraid, I was petrified.
Failed a thousand times already, this was suicide.."

10 points to the first person to tell me what advert that was from.

 

[CW]

Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

Why has nobody ever arrested Captain Birdseye, the guy has been hanging around with kids for years

 

[hutch]

Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

That's a bit poor on your part Chris, grassing on your own Dad.

 

[gomito#10]

Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

Dumb (supposedly real) laws

Sweden Law: It is illegal to repaint a house without a painting license and the government's permission.

Switzerland Law: It is illegal to flush the toilet after 10 P.M. if you live in an apartment.

California, Chico: Detonating a nuclear device within the city limits results in a $500 fine.

Arizona, Tombstone: It is illegal for men and women over the age of 18 to have less than one missing tooth visible when smiling.

Texas, Houston: Beer may not be purchased after midnight on a Sunday, but it may be purchased on Monday.

Washington: When two trains come to a crossing, neither shall go until the other has passed.

NY: It is illegal for a father to call his son a "faggot" or "queer" in an effort to curb "girlie behavior."

OMG I'm gonna piss my pants AHA

the beer thing, its like that in a lot of places here, its all about the church, they dont want people getting drunk on the sabbath... you have to understand drinking here is way different then in europe, for instance most of you probably were allowed to drink wine as youngings, over here you get thrown in jail for that

 

[foxtrot]

Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

European beer has alcohol in it as well.

None of your "Busch Light" pishwater.

 

[gomito#10]

Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

European beer has alcohol in it as well.

None of your "Busch Light" pishwater.

please son, were making beers better then the belgiums are... cmon over sometime across the pond, and i will pour you some nice brews, with plenty of alcohol... you little putz

 

[foxtrot]

Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

Last time I was over was in 2002. I was 17. We went to WAL-MART and my Dad decided to buy a box of 24 Busch Light cans. He hated it, I hated it. 9 thumbs down! Later that day we went and voiced our extreme disapproval by visiting Busch Gardens and riding the rollercoasters.

And it's 330ml cans!!! 330ml cans are for soft drinks only! Sort it out America. Try a 500ml 7.5% Super T.

:mryellow:

 

[hutch]

Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

Just remembered, I had a dream with grim off here in it last night. He's called Jason Stout in real life btw. Anyway, in the dream I was stood outside college (which was also McDonalds for some reason) with somebody (I think it was a mate, can't remember). Anyway, a dead sporty car pulls up and the person with me goes,
"Oh, here comes Jason!"
I noticed that the license plate said "STOUT 1" and fucking shit myself. He got out with a smug look on his face and was basically all like,
"Well John, we meet at last"
I think he had sunglasses on too, he was actually really good looking despite his face looking like the victim of a shovel in real life. He had a stylish little beard and was generally just a flash bastard.
He then turned into someone I knew from High School.
Good dream.

 

[Coopz]

Re: Random Crap III - As Authorised By The Man

Just remembered, I had a dream with grim off here in it last night. He's called Jason Stout in real life btw. Anyway, in the dream I was stood outside college (which was also McDonalds for some reason) with somebody (I think it was a mate, can't remember). Anyway, a dead sporty car pulls up and the person with me goes,
"Oh, here comes Jason!"
I noticed that the license plate said "STOUT 1" and fucking shit myself. He got out with a smug look on his face and was basically all like,
"Well John, we meet at last"
I think he had sunglasses on too, he was actually really good looking despite his face looking like the victim of a shovel in real life. He had a stylish little beard and was generally just a flash bastard.
He then turned into someone I knew from High School.
Good dream.

Knew from High School eh?