i know what we'll do - let's get 2 queers in!
that'll be good viewing - i bet c4 are rubbing their hands cos the mincers have even decided to share a bed together!!
prepare to see the first instance of pillow-biting ever shown live on tv...
Me and my mate went to the auditions hungover in Manchester in Feb. We abused Chanelle in the queue. I posted the full story on another forum but I got banned the other day for posting porn there (oh alcohol how you hinder me), so when I get unbanned I'll post it here LADS. :thumbsup:
hutch said:I went to this today in Manchester for shits and giggles. Was at a house party last night and went to bed at 6:30am knowing they started at 9. Woke up at 8:40am and thought I'd sack it off, but then decided to go for it and found my mate still awake in his kitchen talking to some Latvian bird as he hadn't been to sleep. He also sacked off the idea at first but I persuaded him and his mate who was over to come with.
Got into Manchester and we were all still pissed, having no idea where we were going. Eventually found the place after paying 50p for some false directions off a BLACK TRAMP.
Queued for 2 and a half hours. My mate was fucking smashed still and was abusing just about everyone in the queue. There was a Victoria Beckham 'lookalike' there and he was like "Oh just because you were born with a shit nose you think you're it."
Then a bit later a raging homo sprinted past everyone in the queue going "I'M THROUGH I'M THROUGH!" and my mate proceeded to shout "YOU FUCKING FAGGOT!" at him to much laughter.
Eventually got to the selection bit. You're in groups of 10 and you have to select a partner and tell each other 2 interesting facts about yourself and why you want to go on Big Brother. As I knew my mates, I had to go with this girl who said her 2 interesting facts were that she started a Softball course down south (she'd travelled up from Gloucester or somewhere ahjsagsasga) and that she once went to a party with the comedian ED BYRNE and she got really drunk and poured TOO MUCH VINEGAR ON HIS CHIPS WTF LOVE THIS REALLY ISN'T A FUCKING FUNNY STORY IS IT!?!?!?
My 2 interesting facts were about when I fell asleep in the bath in London, and then I panicked as I was running out of time and realised how uninteresting I am, so went with "OH AND I KNOW IAN OUT OF SHAMELESS!"
Each pair had to then present their partner to the rest of the group based on what they told them.
OH AND THERE WAS ALSO A CRAZY BLACK MAN IN OUR GROUP WHO I CLAIMED WAS DAVE BENSON PHILLIPS ON SPEED. It turned out he actually used to choreograph for Take That and had appeared as a backing dancer at the Brits in 1742 or something.
The stupid BB 'rep' then makes us all get in a circle and DANCE TO THIS CRAZY BLACK MAN'S SHIT MOVES which was very embarassing considering the whole queue of about 500 could see us.
ANYWAY, we're presenting our partners to the rest of the group. My mate gets up with his and is basically dead on his feet. The girl he's with tells everyone that one of his interesting facts is that "...he thinks the Posh Spice lookalike in the queue is a CUNT!"
He then goes on a massive rant about how she looks like a cunt and how he loves the word cunt.
I got up and tried to present this "Louise" to the group. I completely forgot one of her INTERESTING facts and said she did a course for SNOWBOARDING which she corrected me on. She then presented me as a bit of a boring pisshead, failing to recognise my connection with Ian out of Shameless.
Then after we were done my mate shouts "OH HE CAN SING WESTLIFE DEAD GOOD!" referring to the infamous video of me singing one line of YOU RAISE ME UP.
The whole group gets all excited and starts going "Oh do you have a good voice?" and all this bollocks.
I sacked them off though and was just like "I only perform when I'm drunk."
To be fair, if I'd have brought myself down to singing Westlife at a Big Brother audition I'd have probably been recalled, but I'm keeping the little dignity I have left. None of me and my mates (or our partners :lol got recalled but I'm not arsed.